L and the Book of useless information
by violentluck
Summary: This book does exist, i own it. Anyway what would happen if L got a hold of this book and irriated the crap out of Light. No parings.
1. Chapter 1

L and the book called "That Book of Perfectly Useless Information"!

I got this random idea of what would happen if L gets the book of useless information on his birthday and decides to bother Light in the mist of things? I thought it would be a hilarious idea so here it is for all of you to enjoy. For those that are waiting for my 'Body Switching' story, I hit a writer's block and my birthday was last weekend so I didn't write anything. So for your enjoyment and mine, here it is.

I own nothing. As much as I wish too I don't own anyone except Anne, which is L's cousin.

Here we are at the Task Force HQ, computers and all. Typical L, eating strawberry shortcake in his usual sitting position on the couch, the light from the computer loomed over his face. Not too far away, Light sat looking at the latest case files of the victims of Kira. The rest of the Task Force situated in various places, looking at evidence or reviewing over surveillance tapes on various TVs that cover one of the walls. Watari walks in with a small package and a cake in his hands; L nodded his greeting to the older man and continued working. The rest of the Task Force was more worried about the small package rather than greet Watari. Watari set the items on the table, occupying a space next to L.

"Ryuzaki, a package came for you. It's from Anne." In light of this information, L snatched the small package from the table and tore open the box. Inside sat a book titled "That book of Perfectly Useless Information". The cover constructed in orange and yellow rings. You could have guessed it had over 360 pages of pure nonsense, but L could have cared less. Anne has always remembered his birthday and she had ways of the presents getting to him, no matter of where he was.

"Oh Anne, what an unusual and entertaining way to occupy my time when I'm bored at night!" He said to the air. The rest of the Force surrounded him as L flipped though the book, but Light didn't join them. Why would this 'Anne' person send him a book? Light just looked away from the accumulation of people around L.

"Light-Kun?" L asked Light, he read that if you mouth the word 'Colorful' it looks like 'I love you'. So he decided to mess with Light a little bit. The teen is just being too serious and needs to lighten up.

"Yes Ryuzaki?" Light answered, looking at the sugar-crazed panda of a man before him. L mouthed colorful but of course Light took it the wrong way…

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I LOVE YOU?" Light yelled at the panda, having the face of 'Oh My God' but all that did was cause L to laugh hysterically.

"Oh Light-kun, I mouthed the word colorful and you thought that I said I love you! Your face was just classic!!" L said between laughing fits. The rest of the Task Force laughed right along with him. Light, however, was far from amused. He huffed and looked back to the file. A chair moved next to him and he found the panda sitting next to him.

"What was to book for anyway?" Light asked

"It is my 25th birthday. My cousin sent it to me. It is quite interesting and it is helpful in the future." L said but a grin is planted on his lips as he took a bite of the cake. Light just wished a happy birthday and continued reading. Flipping of pages as L looked for something else.

"Light, what do you think catgut is made of?" L asked innocently. Light just sighed at the stupidity of the question.

"It's made from cats" Light answered, still haven't adverted his eyes from the file.

"It is made from Sheep." L said, slightly smirking.

"What in Hell would they call it 'Catgut'?" Light retorted, staring at the detective with the insane book.

"I don't have a clue, look it up on Google." L said, now reading more nonsense. Light face-palmed, why did Anne have to send this to him? This is going to be the most annoying day ever, only second to the weekend alone with Misa…He shuddered at the memory…

"Light, are you afraid of spiders?" L asked, why in the hell would he ask that? Light thought.

"Somewhat. Why do you ask?" Light dreaded the answer that L is going to give him, kinda frightful too. Spiders just give him the creeps; he isn't like Misa that is terrified of spiders…

"An average would have eaten at least 8 spiders in their lifetime in their sleep." That sentence almost made Light throw up. Just the thought of a spider crawling down your throat is just gross...

"Why did you tell me that?" Light said, slightly angered at L.

"Because it is interesting, and for the fact that you sleep with your mouth open, which gives me humor to see your face so horrified." L flipped through the book again, Light is really hating this book….Anne shall die….An hour has passed and no more facts from the book, Light thanked himself for the silence.

"Light." L said, looking at the red-head.

"Yes?"

"Will you go get me an onion?"

"An onion? What for?" Light cocked an eyebrow.

"I'm going to test this theory." L sounded so serious, slightly frightening…

"Which is?" Light really wanted to know.

"You'll see." Light got up and looked for an onion, not sure why they had one in the fridge but oh well, one is avaible. L sliced it in half, grabbing Light's foot, removing the shoe and sock and rubbing the onion on the sole of the foot.

"Wait a second! Are you suppose to test it?!?" The stupid onion felt so weird and creepy on Light's foot.

"I am. You are my guinea pig. It is 7:30, so at 8:30 the results shall be in." L sat back down and looked through the book some more. Light slowly put his sock and shoe back on…worried about what will happen at 8:30. Yet another hour has passed and all the sudden the taste of onion overwhelmed Light's mouth. He completely forgot about the stupid onion…

"Light."

"If you question refers to the dreadful taste in my mouth of onion, then yes I do taste the hideous onion…" Light replied.

"I can't believe it, it is actually true!!" L grinned in response.

"What was the theory?" Light had to ask.

"That if you cut an onion in half, rub it on the sole of the foot, that you will taste onion within an hour, Amazing isn't it?" L said, Light can't believe he was a guinea pig for something so stupid. Not only does he not want to sleep, but now he can't get rid of the horrible taste in his mouth…what a life…

A/N: So yeah I'll post more random things like that. Hope you enjoyed it. Please R/R, most people will try these things I have tried all of them, I can't help that I get bored…


	2. Chapter 2

Yeah Part 2! More random facts! Ok so for Naruko Ninja, the spider fact is true, as much to my ultimate dismay. Anyway, so here is more of L and Light and the insane book.

The Next Day.

Finally Light got rid of the horrendous taste of onion out of his mouth. Never again will he look at another onion without this memory coming to mind… L read more theories, and now he had a hold of ping pong balls. So dragging Light into a bathroom and armed with ping pong balls, they stand in front of a toilet.

"Ryuzaki, Why are we in the bathroom and why do you have ping pong balls?" Light asked him as Ryuzaki opened the package and started to drop them into the toilet bowl.

"I am experimenting about ping pong balls and toilets. The book had something interesting. I suggest that you get plenty of towels." Ryuzaki said as he started to lay out the towels Light had found. The bathroom they are experimenting in is Misa's. Light stared in horror as he saw millions of himself on the wall…it was like a horror film, about the stalker that ends up killing the person of their affection when the person rejects them. Shaking the horror out of his memory, Ryuzaki and Light now stand in front of the porcelain throne.

"Ready Light?" Ryuzaki asked Light as he set his hand onto the lever.

"Do you know what you are doing? Can you at least tell me what this theory is?" Light asked

"Well I wonder if it is true that it is impossible to flush a ping pong ball. So here we are." L smirked and continued preperations.

"That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Who has the time to think that up?" Light retorted. L rested his hand on the lever.

"Ready Light? I suggest being barefoot and rolling your pants up. We would hate to have to explain what we were doing that you got soaked." L said and started to laugh as Light did what he told him to do. So anyway L flushed the toilet, having about 10 ping pong balls and the toilet began overflow. Light jumped into the tub and stared in horror. He has never seen Misa pissed but with Rem with her. Rem has no problem killing him either. L stared in amusement.

"My goodness, it was right as well. Mogi has meeting set up for Misa all day, so therefore we can have this clean before she gets back. I would hate to have her be mad at you and raped you. That would be messy business." L said to Light, watching the color fade out of Light's face.

About a couple of hours later, L looks like he lost something.

"Ryuzaki, what are you looking for?" Light asked acting completely innocent.

"My book is gone. I will find it. Light where did you hide it?" L asked him. Light smirked.

"It made a wonderful fire in the fireplace." Light said.

"We don't have a fireplace." L said, now scowling at Light.

"We do now." Light snickered.

A/N Poor L, lost his amazing book! I lost mine somewhere in my house. So when I find it, L finds his too.


End file.
